If you have ever tried to convince a Nigerian man who still believes ‘things will be better’ to relocate, you already know it’s like trying to convince the distribution companies that deliver electricity to homes to bring light during rain.
Bimpe, a former civil servant who relocated to the UK in 2022, shares how she convinced her husband, through his friends, to support a move he never wanted for himself. Today, she lives in Lancaster with her children and works a care/support job. She talks about the loneliness of being abroad without your person, the tax system, and why, despite everything, she still says life has been good.
What was life like before Japa entered the conversation?
Honestly, we were comfortable. I was working in the civil service, and my husband was doing well for himself. I had a driver, a maid, and all the other things that make life comfortable. But I was no longer feeling safe. Any time there was news about a kidnapping or bomb blast, I would start disturbing my husband about how unsafe Nigeria was getting. Also, it seemed the economy was not improving. My kids were growing, and I kept thinking, “Is this the life I want for them?” My husband loves Nigeria and would always say he was not interested in going abroad to start afresh. So, he was not very keen on japa.
So how did you start the process if he was not on board?
I started quietly. The more I saw people leave, the more I wanted to leave also. So, I began researching on my own without telling him. By the time I had a clearer picture of what I wanted to do, I involved his close friends who were already abroad with their families. I explained everything to them and asked them to talk to him, man to man, about the bigger picture, not for him, but for the children. It worked, but we reached an agreement. I could relocate with the children, but he would remain in Nigeria. He was very clear that he wasn’t interested in abandoning everything he had built to start over abroad. It was even one of his friends who helped me secure a job with COS (Certificate of Sponsorship).
What was it like landing in the UK for the first time?
I arrived alone sometime in February, and it was still winter. The cold here is something else. Nobody had warned me about how it enters your bones. Even with your winter jacket, you still feel the cold. The second shock was how quiet everywhere was. No generators. No truck drivers honking like crazy, or cars parked carelessly on the streets. Everything seemed organized. Buses arrived when they were supposed to and left as expected, whether they were full or not. Government services were easier to access. Processes were clearer.
But then again, there was also loneliness. I had gone alone to start working and set up things before my kids would join me later in the year. Imagine after years of being surrounded by family, neighbours, colleagues, and friends, you are now suddenly in a place where everyone seems busy and keeps to themselves. But with time, I was able to adjust.
What culture shocks surprised you the most?
The tax system. Nothing really prepares you for how much tax comes out of your salary. In Nigeria, you can calculate your salary in your head. Tax was not something I thought about deeply, as it just came off your salary, and that was that. Here, you will see your payslip and start asking, “Where did all my money go?” The more you work, the more they remove. Overtime? Forget it. HMRC will collect its share with joy. You can work overtime, and then discover that a significant portion goes to taxes and deductions.
After picking up extra shifts a few times and watching how much of that “extra” disappeared into tax, I had to sit down and restrategize.
Another one was how early everything shuts down. Shops, even some restaurants, close so early compared to what I was used to. In Nigeria, you can get suya at 11 pm. Here, by 6 or 7 pm, the town is basically asleep.
Has life become easier?
In some ways, yes. I no longer worry about certain things like constant power outages and fuel scarcity. Those experiences are no longer part of my daily life. However, migration is not a magic solution. You earn in pounds, but you also spend in pounds. Rent, transport, utilities, groceries, and childcare can consume a large portion of your income.
Let us talk about your children. What is it like raising children abroad, especially without their dad?
It is one of the biggest responsibilities I have ever had. It is hard because I am basically doing it alone here without their dad. He can only do his part over the phone or whenever he visits, which is every 3 or 4 months. School runs, sick days, parents’ evenings, shopping, all of it lands on me. I’m also constantly trying to balance two cultures. While I want my children to integrate into British society, I also do not want them to grow up behaving like children without home training and lacking respect. But I love that my kids are safe. They are learning to be independent. They’re exposed to things I could never have given them back home.
Do your children miss Nigeria?
They do. They miss their cousins and friends and always talk about how they would like to visit. The cost is not something we are ready to shoulder at the moment, but they will surely visit someday. Thankfully, there is technology. It helps them keep in touch with the people back home.
What is it like being in a long‑distance marriage?
It’s not easy, but we are managing. We make the most of our time together whenever he visits. The kids and I always count down to the visits. Sometimes I get frustrated, but I have accepted it. Everyone’s journey is different. He supports us financially and emotionally, and that’s what matters.
Looking back, do you think your husband made the right decision by staying?
For him, yes. Migration is not a one-size-fits-all decision. Not everyone wants to leave Nigeria. Some people have thriving careers, businesses, and networks that make staying the better option. My husband falls into that category. He may likely reconsider in the future, but for now, Nigeria is where he thrives, and if I force him to relocate, I know he would be unhappy here.
Looking back, would you say this journey has been worth it?
Yes, but not because life became perfect. There have been difficult days, moments of loneliness, financial pressure, and countless adjustments. But when I think about the opportunities available to my children, the stability we now enjoy, and the experiences we’ve gained, I believe it has been worth it. Migration didn’t solve all my problems, but it opened doors that might never have existed back home. Nigeria will always be home, but here is where our future is.
What would you tell Nigerians planning to relocate?
Don’t relocate because of social media. Relocate because you’ve done your research and understand what you’re signing up for. Abroad isn’t heaven. Every country has its own challenges. Prepare financially, prepare emotionally, and prepare mentally.
Do you ever see yourself returning to Nigeria permanently?
Never say never.
