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How Black People Navigate the Emotional Reality of the Holiday Season
I will be honest: I genuinely love the holiday season. I love the smell of pine, the festive lights, and the sheer opportunity for. I find real comfort in the traditions. While I personally enjoy the festivities that come with this time of year, I know there is a crucial, often darker perspective to consider: the relentless cultural demand for endless cheer. This hides a very tough mental health challenge that stems less from the changing weather and much more from overwhelming social and familial expectations. We are essentially asked to be our most vibrant, available, and generous selves precisely when our natural energy reserves are at their lowest. This demand for perfection-the perfect family photo, the flawless gift haul-runs straight into our internal reality, creating a truly toxic cycle of performance and guilt. We feel guilty for not feeling festive, and that guilt just feeds the underlying sadness. This low is amplified by the sheer pressure we all feel.
I think the biggest source of stress is often the family gathering itself. The holidays basically require us to step back into old roles, often forcing us to re-engage with strained or toxic relationships that we successfully avoided for the rest of the year. This forced closeness can reopen old wounds, spike our anxiety, and leave us emotionally wiped out, right when we have the least capacity to cope. The relentless expectation of expensive gifts and travel adds another significant financial layer that we all feel. For anyone dealing with the pain of loss of loved ones, the cultural focus on “family” and “togetherness” during this season makes that absence feel incredibly acute and painful.
For me, navigating this period starts with a crucial act of self-compassion: internalizing the idea that “mandatory cheer” is a myth. It is something sold to us by marketing and movies, not a reflection of real life. Your value is not tied to your enthusiasm for tinsel and eggnog. This season is not about external performance; it is about internal peace. This means prioritizing your comfort over an obligation. This might mean deciding beforehand to only stay for an hour, or making the choice to attend an event virtually, or even opting out altogether. Communicating honestly with loved ones about your capacity is not rude; it is a profound act of self-respect. When intrusive questions come up about your love life, career, or plans-you do not owe anyone a detailed explanation. You can simply respond, “That is something I am still figuring out,” or gently pivot the conversation. If you need a moment, identify a dedicated physical space-even if it is just the quiet of your car-where you can retreat for fifteen minutes of non-social, deep-breathing time.
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The goal is not perfect happiness; the goal is simply getting through the season with your well-being intact. Be gentle with yourself. Be simple with your plans. Holidays are different for everyone, and some may be significantly harder than others, especially when we are grieving. Therefore, give yourself permission to make the holidays look exactly how you want them to, tailored to your own capacity. Choosing internal peace is the most radical act of all.
Kyrah Page is currently a student at Lincoln University. She is also the CEO and founder of her own brand called “Keepin’ It Kultured.” Where she combines art with activism to empower, inspire and educate the Black community. She advocates for change, promotes black positivity, and addresses controversial issues. Kyrah is many things but most importantly she is an activist.
