Many times men absent themselves from their children’s homes because of their perception of the challenges they associate with co-parenting. The struggles are not imaginary and often men find themselves falling out of rhythm with their children around arguments, misunderstandings and conversational confusions. Christian Andrews sat down with four men of various profiles who all co-parent asking for their thoughts on fatherhood: Terrell aged 25 co-parenting 2 biological children, Michael aged 32 co-parenting 3 biological children, Norman 44 co-parenting 2 biological children and Charles aged 57 father of 4, co-parenting his youngest who is also a special needs young.
Your biggest challenge as a co-parent
Charles: Working as a single father and balancing my work schedule with my son’s needs is my daily struggle.
Terrell: The relationship with my daughter’s mother: trying at all times to keep it positive.
Michael: Agreeing with my children’s mother on the same methods of how to help them be successful. Decisions can be difficult on how to spend our limited resources on school, camps or lessons or anything — trying to see if something has value.
Norman: My sons are in my thoughts daily and I miss that I do not see them every day. I look at pictures and they are getting so old and I feel like it’s all passing so quickly. Plus not hearing everything they said!
Your biggest joy with your children
Terrell: I enjoy the quality and the way we create the memories.
Norman: I have always sought to be a better father and have a stronger relationship with my sons than I had with my father. I have a blast with my dudes but sometimes I just love looking at them relax and eat. I like watching sporting events like the Super Bowl with them — just enjoying my little men.
Charles: Watching my son grow up, adjusting, realizing the good things, appreciating what I am trying to do for him, having him tell me “I am the best dad and I am lucky to have you.” Those things mean the world to me.
Michael: Watching my kids smile, and understand a lesson I am trying to teach them. It’s great to know that they see me as dependable, reliable and able to provide for their needs and wants.
Advice for a man struggling with co-parenting
Michael: Tell him regardless of the disagreement (because there can be many) try not to make a decision while you are upset because it may affect the child. If it is not immediate sleep on it so you can come back focused on your child. Put your children first.
Terrell: (laughter; hmm) I agree with Mike–try not to make decisions while “in the frustration”. My observation has been that negative relations with the mother can rub off on the child so try to be positive. Kill’em with kindness!
Norman: I have always tried to focus on being a father which does not always mean the mother is going to understand. I believe in the differences between the Mars and Venus so I don’t aim to please people who don’t understand. Just do the right thing by your child even if others don’t agree or always understand your methods.
Charles: I could not agree more. Have patience! Show commitment! Enjoy the good times and keep your child first and foremost in your mind and gradually the child will adjust. I was born in Kpaiyea, Liberia so culturally it is not common for a man from my culture to raise a child. I am doing it and my attitude is if a woman can do it then I must do it. You can never run from your responsibility — you would regret it till you die!
