COVID- 19 was declared as a global pandemic in March 2020. Every move I made became a mathematical calculation. A year later, the new reality was becoming more comfortable, but I was nothing short of responsible. Therefore, I found myself in a downward spiral when a medical call confirmed that I was COVID-19 positive.
Figure 1 – Time for separation. Source -Photographed by Anand Subramanian
Completely isolated in a room, everything went silent, movements became slow, and a storm brewed in my mind. I had no handle over my space, and my reality went haywire. The only question I had was “Where did I go wrong?”. Tears rolled down my cheeks while panic attacks wrapped me in a cold void.
Figure 2 – World kept running yet I stopped. Source -Photographed by Anand Subramanian
As time went by, I continued popping medicines and following a map for every mundane task. However, soon a stark realization burst through the dam of my consciousness. Life’s unpredictability is taken for granted. COVID came at a time when I wished for a break from the monotonous life. But, this was not the way I expected it to be. Be careful about what you wish for right?
Sense of smell and taste may have taken a backseat, but my other senses were working to bring all of my scattered thoughts towards the light. My body and COVID might be quarreling indoors but my mind was reaching a different dimension of reality. I was able to see eye to eye with COVID’s intention and give a little smirk, and I knew it was time for a transformation.
Figure 3 -Self Portrait of Acceptance. Source -Photographed by Anand Subramanian
Several days went by and I got accustomed to my viral guest. I asked COVID, “Why me?” and it said, “Why not you ?”. While we looked towards each other metaphorically, we went on to do our work. However, I was glad that my guest was about to leave me.
As the end came near and COVID had almost exited my premises, I looked back at the combination of a constant biological fight and a realization. I had entered a new reality where real human connections were the essence. My toes missed the sand and my face missed the breeze but most importantly my physical presence missed the real emotions that had somehow got left behind. My much needed break from reality came at a cost, but thankfully one that I could bear.
Figure 4 -New Reality. Source -Photographed by Anand Subramanian
My marriage with COVID-19 was short-lived and filled with constant ups and downs. But in the custody battle, COVID-19 got my old self and I got to keep my new and improved, “ready to fight another day”, self. This marriage could have easily gone sideways but I was lucky, and I am grateful for those 14 days.
Anand Subramanian is a freelance photographer and content writer based out of Tamil Nadu, India. Having a background in Engineering always made him curious about life on the other side of the spectrum. He leapt forward towards the Photography life and never looked back. Specializing in Documentary and Portrait photography gave him an up-close and personal view into the complexities of human beings and those experiences helped him branch out from visual to words. Today he is mentoring passionate photographers and writing about the different dimensions of the art world.
