By Tamika FelinaPommells Williams
I often wonder why too many of our Black women treat our men as if they are worthless? I know many women who have been sexually, physically, emotionally and or spiritually abused, remain victims all their lives and end up living a lonely life. Here, I look at some personal experiences. I have come to realize and accept just how loving and caring or vindictive and hurtful women can be.
In my book, Unearthing the Diamond, I wrote from a place of a wounded child, naming everyone involved. This time, I won’t use names, but the situations I relay are all factual. So many women are living miserably alone. I can hear them all shouting at me, “I am happy living alone and I am NOT miserable.”
For some, this may be honestly true. However, I think many are women who like to manipulate and insist that their married friends are controlled by their husbands. These married friends have chosen not to go out to every social event with their single women friends. They know these events, many times, do not interest their husbands. Sometimes, the husbands are pressured into attending the events. Seemingly, the wives would prefer their husbands be there, uncomfortable, rather than spending time with their male friends. For fear of what? Some go as far as telling their husbands to grow up and leave the boys. Yet these women feel they should be allowed to be girls and drag their men along.
A woman I know got married at 20. She said she refused to be a maid to her husband. She made many demands of him and became worse than a clingy vine. She’d question her husband endlessly, “Why do you talk to my girlfriends so often? Did you really hug and kiss her (on the cheek)? How dare you compliment my friends in front of me and not compliment me!”
Talk about narcissism. Shouting in public at one’s husband, and belittling him in front of family, friends and colleagues is a recipe for spending the rest of one’s life alone. Everyone sees the divorce coming; everyone except the wife, who thinks she’s better than everyone else.
The man walks away and finds another woman; one who accepts one of her important roles as taking care of the household for them and their children. This man who was cursed by his ex, provides for his family and helps in the home after a hard day’s work. Yes, life has its challenges but they face them together. His new wife carries herself with the type of class and dignity that one can only admire. His ex-wife belittles her saying,“She can have him because he is no good and she is welcome to my left-over”. Seriously? Sounds like the fox and the sour grapes to me. Unfortunately, many women have great husbands, baby daddies and men in their lives but for one reason or another, don’t consider them good enough.
Studies have documented that, typically, people who share their space with a partner, sleeping in the same bed, snuggling, making love and waking up together, are happier than those living alone.If you find you need to control who your man speaks to, or how he responds to a social media post; if you keep accusing your man of being disloyal with no evidence, take a moment and look at yourself. All persons are entitled to think for themselves, to live their lives as the unique individuals they are. When we love we should do so unconditionally, giving as well as receiving. If you act otherwise, maybe this is why you are alone.
Tamika Pommells-Williams is a healed survivor of a gang rape when a teen; advocate for peace and love; wife, mother, author, gardener, and photographer, who also loves cooking, singing, dancing and giving back to her community near Montego Bay, Jamaica. See more at: facebook.com/tamika.f.williams, and her book at: amazon.com/Unearthing-Diamond-Struggle-Strife-Successful/dp/1909389072. Their awesome website is at:ahhhrasnatango.com; contact: firstname.lastname@example.org